


The Arrangement

by Celandine



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ficlet, Historical, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-06
Updated: 2009-10-06
Packaged: 2017-10-12 15:24:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/126342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celandine/pseuds/Celandine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aziraphale has far too much to do, and Crowley has a suggestion to make life easier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Arrangement

**Author's Note:**

  * For [realpestilence](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=realpestilence).



Heaven is not really all that well organized. Neither is Hell, for that matter, but then, fewer people expect it to be.

What that meant in practical terms for Aziraphale was that, having been given the directive to watch over humans and encourage them to choose good rather than evil – now that they had the knowledge of what those were – he found himself getting spread thinner and thinner as the numbers of said humans began rapidly to increase.

It was when he was in a moment of despair over trying to keep a handle on things that Crowley made two suggestions which would change both of their lives forever. Both ideas seemed quite reasonable at the time.

"Each of us is of angelic stock originally," Crowley pointed out over a cup of beer.

They were sitting under a tree in an sheep encampment on the site that would eventually become the city of Nineveh, and the beer was weak and sour. It had been invented recently and the brewer was still working out the kinks in her recipe.

"Yes," said Aziraphale, a little warily. It was best to be careful when Crowley stated the obvious. "So?"

Crowley shrugged. "So, I don't know about _you_ , but _I_ can't keep up. I'm run off my feet half the time, dashing around trying to tempt humans at their most vulnerable moments. I expect you have the same sort of problem."

"Sometimes," Aziraphale admitted. He took another sip of beer and grimaced. Posing as a sheepherder had its definite down sides.

"If we cooperate, we could make things easier for both of us. I'd do a little encouragement to virtue when the opportunity arises, and you would exploit the occasional human weakness to lure them into sin. That way we each only have to cover half as much territory. It'll save a lot of effort until the requisition forms finally go through and our superiors send along some backup. We just have to keep in regular touch so that we can write up our reports to reflect the outcomes appropriately."

Aziraphale considered it. He knew that as things stood he was missing some excellent opportunities; Crowley's strategy would move him up several notches in efficiency in Heaven's books. He wouldn't have to be _too_ dedicated about doing the tempting, either, just dabble in it when opportunity arose. If Crowley did likewise, they would both still come out ahead.

"All right," he said.

"Now the other thing is that you'll need to be acquainted with a few of the activities that happen to tempt humans most. Otherwise you won't make effective use of them," Crowley told him.

"I know that beer is potentially one of those things," Aziraphale said, "although I don't entirely understand why."

"You have to let the alcohol have an effect on your body. Then you'll understand. Food, the same. Learn to enjoy eating. And then there's sex." Crowley leered.

"If you think that I'm going to initiate sex with a human female, you're not just damned, you're crazy," said Aziraphale.

Crowley shook his head. "With _me_. Human males are not always that discriminating, you know. All they seem to want is somewhere to stick it."

"I know. Believe me, I know." Aziraphale shuddered. He'd seen what happened when shepherds got too bored out there with their flocks.

"We couldn't hurt each other, but it would be close enough for you to understand that aspect of humans better. It might even help you in your own job, too," Crowley coaxed. He dropped one hand casually on Aziraphale's knee and stroked his leg.

Perhaps it was the unfamiliar sensation, or perhaps it was the fact that he'd already started experimenting to see what effect the beer might have if he let it, but Aziraphale said, "Yes."

The arrangement – _both_ arrangements – proved enduring, even after the red tape in both Heaven and Hell unsnarled sufficiently to provide backup, and as far as Aziraphale could determine, none of either his or Crowley's colleagues ever guessed.

**Author's Note:**

> For realpestilence, who wanted Crowley/Aziraphale, emotionally lovers all along. I'm not sure if this is quite what she hoped for, but it's the best I could manage!


End file.
